Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
