I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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