First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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