I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
