when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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