Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
