she woke up with a sticky ear
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
