You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
