he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
