Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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