So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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