I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
