nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
