Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
