Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
