Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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