So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize