those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
