You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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