He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
