omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
