That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
