Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize