I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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