i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
