im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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