you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My vagina is very pro this idea
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