is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This baby is an asshole
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
