Your face is a jimmy john
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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