his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
