nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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