worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
