He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
