I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
