So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
