I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
