He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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