Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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