My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
