we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
