I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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