suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
