What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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