Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They have beer where we have blood.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
