would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
