its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
