wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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