your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
