i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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