Buhtt sex?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
