They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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