my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize