what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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