You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize