omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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