if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
