I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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