I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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