U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
