pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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