now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
