So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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