So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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