I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.