He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
