She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?