I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.