im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Blood and glitter go together right?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.