this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
