i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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