Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

  (512): View more from Texas

  oh shit that had to have been awkward

  (210): View more from Texas

  i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

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  (210): so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it..... (512): oh shit that had to have been awkward (210): i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for http://tfl.nu/r8iv
  Replies (9) Good night (989) Bad night (3513)
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  (661): View more from California

  Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

  (831): View more from California

  Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

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  (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g
  Replies (43) Good night (10168) Bad night (914)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.

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  (860): my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4sug
  Replies (22) Good night (1139) Bad night (4220)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?

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  (479): You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI? http://tfl.nu/c4jp
  Replies (11) Good night (615) Bad night (3452)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9

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  (732): its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9 http://tfl.nu/78ka
  Replies (20) Good night (874) Bad night (3819)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (6366) Bad night (1358)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4844) Bad night (1036)
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  (661): View more from California

  It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

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  (661): It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. http://tfl.nu/htiz
  Replies (32) Good night (5308) Bad night (1378)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?

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  (801): What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's? http://tfl.nu/1yab
  Replies (9) Good night (1924) Bad night (1222)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...

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  (630): They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock... http://tfl.nu/p7g4
  Replies (8) Good night (1698) Bad night (683)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.

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  (303): Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass. http://tfl.nu/tyko
  Replies (5) Good night (752) Bad night (618)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.

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  (952): So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child. http://tfl.nu/9pky
  Replies (0) Good night (834) Bad night (268)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

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  (440): Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack! http://tfl.nu/22h4
  Replies (17) Good night (3824) Bad night (506)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.

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  (616): im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake. http://tfl.nu/ht7z
  Replies (6) Good night (403) Bad night (897)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...

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  (978): You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again... http://tfl.nu/9z52
  Replies (3) Good night (761) Bad night (294)

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