i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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