Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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