I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
