how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The air taste purple.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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