I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize