I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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