Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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