Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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