Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
