WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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