I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
