He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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