Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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