I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
